NARRATOR". When last we saw the Dynamic Duo...
they were bound hand and foot in an outsized coffee cup...
and about to be scalded and scarred by sulfuric acid...
in full view of an unwitting throng in Chimes Square.
Hold onto your beanies. They may not get out of this one.
Goodbye, Batman.
- It's been nice working with you. - Never say die, Robin.
- We've been in worse scrapes than this before. - Well, not like this.
The acid is about to pour. Quickly, plaster yourself against the side of the cup.
What are you going to do?
A little trickle of acid will proceed the big gush, Robin.
If my timing and positioning are accurate...
perhaps those few drops will burn through these ropes.
It's about to trickle over the lip, Robin.
But there's many a slip twixt the cup and lip, Batman.
- Very good, Robin. - Thank you, Batman.
- Ah! - You did it.
We're not out of the woods yet, old chum.
I'll have to trip that switch with my Batarang.
I don't know how we do it, Batman.
What do you mean?
The way we get into these scrapes, and get out of them...
it's almost as though someone was dreaming up these situations.
Guiding our destiny.
Things like that only happen in the movies, Robin. This is real life.
I guess you're right.
- Let's go. - After Catwoman?
No. Those poor misguided students are still restless.
Our first duty is to save them.
To disperse them before they do something that might blight their lives.
Catwoman will have to wait.
NARRATOR". Meanwhile, in a building across town...
the annual sale of priceless Batagonian cat's-eyes opals...
is about to begin at the Forever Jewel Company.
Now, ladies and gentlemen...
as you know, each of these pouches contains $650,000 worth of cat's-eye opals.
However, because this is the only place in the world where you can buy them...
we'll start the bidding at $750,000.
You're not allowed to look in the pouches.
Now, gentlemen, lady, what am I bid?
I'll give you absolutely nothing for the entire lot.
What?
Who are you?
I'm a Batagonian cat's-eye opal fancier and I think your prices are outrageous.
Consequently, I shall take them off your lily-white hands for free.
You're Catwoman.
In the fur.
Now, if you'll all assume positions of subservience...
we can complete this caper with a minimum of jeopardy and danger for all.
On your knees, knaves.
Penn...
pack up those baubles in your old kit bag.
- Right, commissioner. - What's up?
Catwoman made off with $12 million worth of Batagonian cat's-eye opals late last night.
Holy bijou.
That's very good, Robin. Bijou. French for "jewel."
Heh. Thank you, Batman.
She's playing right into our hands. I planned it all this way.
You mean you wanted her to steal the gems?
Yes. Batagonian cat's-eye opals are notorious for the amount of great bad luck they bring...
to whoever steals them.
I wonder if that amusing old wives' tale will hold true to form?
You, of all people, don't believe in superstition, do you?
Me? Superstitious? Nonsense. Ah!
Never walk under a ladder, Robin.
Batman, I'm surprised at you.
Not at all. There is a custom based on fact.
The ladder could fall and hit you on the head.
Or someone could slip and fall from the ladder.
It doesn't pay to court disaster, Robin. Let's go.
Ah! Long time, no meow, Catwoman.
- Where have you been? - Up the river.
Ah, those are the pitfalls of the crime business.
Well, what can I do for you?
Judging from the looks of the place, I take it you're still in the fencing game?
Well, you know I like to keep my skilled hands in stolen goods.
- Ha. - Ha-ha-ha. You have something?
Right up your alley.
Ah!
Spaghetti.
Al Dente.
A masterpiece. Sit down.
Ah.
I wish I could invite you to dine with me, but there is barely enough for one.
I'm sorry.
Batagonian cat's-eye opals.
You said a triple soupgon.
Forget it.
Forget it?
Every gendarme in Gotham City is looking for these.
- It would be impossible to get rid of. - You got the best overseas contacts.
It doesn't matter. There is a $3 million reward for these.
You won't touch them.
No. It's too hot.
Besides, everyone knows that the Batagonian cat's-eye opals...
are bad luck for anyone who steals them.
French Freddy, you are a fink.
I wish I could help you, mon cheri, but you know how it is. Ha, ha.
Well, here's my address. If you think of something...
- I'll cut you in. - Thank you.
Come on, gang.
- Ciao. - Ciao.
Go ahead, Captain Courageous, tell him what you just told me.
I'm very sorry, Batman, for ever having doubted you.
That's quite all right, captain. You were only doing your job, and quite well.
You couldn't have possibly known it was a Catwoman trick.
Excuse me for a moment, but I have to phone Bruce Wayne.
Keep him posted on Catwoman's exploits. He's her parole officer, you know.
Yes, of course, commissioner. While you make that call...
I'll borrow the Batphone. - Good.
What are you going to do?
I've provided for emergencies like this, Robin.
Now, you just watch.
- I'm afraid he's not here, sir. - No, I'm here.
Good gracious me.
The Wayne phone will ring in a few seconds, Alfred.
- Plug in the Bat-syllable device. - Right, sir.
Hello. - This is Commissioner Gordon, Mr. Wayne.
How are you?
I'm calling to let you know that Catwoman's stolen several million dollar's worth of jewels.
Have you called Batman?
He's here in my office right now.
Good. He'll catch her if anyone can.
Sorry I wasn't a better parole officer.
Call me if you have any further news. Goodbye.
Goodbye, Mr. Wayne.
Ah.
It's eerie, Batman. Every time I talk to Mr. Wayne...
I get the feeling I'm talking to you. - Really?
For a while I thought you and he were the same person.
But here you are and I've just spoken with him on the phone.
I guess that dissolves any tentative theory I may have harbored.
Sure and it does. Bruce Wayne is a millionaire playboy.
Hardly a secret identity for Batman. Ha, ha.
How did it work, sir'?
Superbly.
Now, if you will program the Well-Known Criminals File...
and see who in Gotham City would be the most logical fence...
to handle a Batagonian cat's-eye opal heist.
Batagonian... Yes.
There's only one name listed, sir. "French Freddy Touche."
- Corbin Place. - Thank you.
- A lead? - Yes, I hope so. For all our sakes.
Let's go, Robin.
I'd heard about them out in California, Commissioner Gordon.
But the idea of crime fighters in such fantastic costumes...
seemed too incredible to believe.
We never had anything like that in Hollywood.
No one will ever see the likes of them again.
For some reason, they chose Gotham City to be the recipient of their derring-do...
and I, for one, bless the day they arrived on the scene.
Long may they live.
Did you come for anything specific, Batman?
Or do you hope to pick up free pointers on fencing?
Holy Zorro. Don't you know Batman is the best fencer in the country?
You're still in the stolen-goods business, aren't you, Freddy?
Me? A fence?
En garde. Catch.
You stain my name, French Freddy Touché.
En garde, I say.
- You were saying? - Has anyone been here trying to sell...
a treasure-trove of cat's-eye opals? - I do not accept stolen merchandise anymore.
Now I am only interested in body-building.
You know, in building bodies.
Can't you see he's stalling, Batman?
A man is innocent until proven guilty, Robin.
That's provided for in our Constitution. I'll accept your explanation for the nonce.
However, if we find that you've been prevaricating...
it will not go well for you.
Let's go, Robin.
Hi, Big Blanche, I've got a deal for you that'll...
Same to you, lady.
Drat, drat...
double drat.
Nobody wants the stuff?
Can't give it away.
- Someone's at the secret door. - Who could it be?
Just one other person knows about that secret entrance.
French Freddy, the Fence. Let him in.
Bonjour, Catwoman.
Ready to make a deal?
No, no. I just wanted to tell you that Batman was, uh, how do you say, nosing around.
Batman? We thought he was dead.
He looks pretty good for a dead man.
Triple drat.
I have an idea that will take us all off the hook.
I know that you cannot sell those opals...
so I thought it would be a good idea to turn them in for the reward.
- What's your cut? - One-third.
One million. That leaves us 2 million.
Well, that's fair enough. Give him the opals, boys.
But, Catwoman, how do we know we can trust him?
We've got no choice.
Thank you.
Excuse me.
What's so funny?
- How you've been taken. - Taken?
These are not the cat's-eye opals.
- They are cleverly disguised paste replicas. - We stole them with our own eight hands.
Well, then you went to a lot of trouble for nothing.
These are imitation zircons that have been dipped in cherry frosting.
And a poor grade of cherry frosting at that. Terrible.
Taste.
Batman did it. That dirty, rotten guy.
I'll get him if it's the second-to-last thing I do.
Brown...
I want you to take this message to police headquarters.
Batman's pulled the fur over my eyes once too often.
Amazing that you could have predicted her plot, Batman.
You saved the entire nation of Batagonia with your brilliant foresight.
To say nothing of my profitable business.
The $3 million reward you've posted will flush her into the open, Miss Forever.
How did you ever do it?
When I learned that the student disturbance would be in the area of the gem exchange...
I simply put three and one together and came up with the answer.
Hence, the switching of the gems.
But by this time, she must have found out that we've hoodwinked her.
Commissioner, within next few minutes, you can expect a message from Catwoman.
Holy hypotheses.
Yes, Bonnie.
Send him in.
What brazen impudence.
She sent one of her men here with a message for you, Batman.
Calm down, Brown. You're as jumpy as a cat.
A message for you, Batman, from my boss-lady.
"To Batman. Knowing what sort of a sport you are..."
I realize you will release Brown to bring your answer back to me.
Here is my proposition.
I'm willing to give myself up, but only to you, Batman.
Meet me at midnight in the model house...
at the Sherlock Holmes Real Estate Development in Suburban, Norchester.
"I promise to come alone if you do the same. Yours truly, Catwoman."
You can tell your mistress that I will agree to her terms.
Right.
- It's a trick. - She'll try and kill you.
A bargain is a bargain, Robin.
I must give her the benefit of a doubt. She said that she'd be there alone.
But she's never told the truth in the past.
Hope springs eternal.
NARRATOR". it is midnight at the Sherlock Holmes Real Estate Development.
Hello, Batman.
You're a rare lady, Catwoman. You're right on time.
I'm rare in more ways than that.
I'm glad you decided to surrender. We would have caught you eventually.
Do you think so?
Certainly. There's no escaping the inexorable law of justice.
- Shall we go? - Must we?
So soon?
I thought that, well, you know...
perhaps we might get to know each other a little better.
I would think that we know each other well enough by now.
Don't run away, Batman. I won't bite.
I'm not afraid of you, Catwoman, I'm... I'm, uh...
You're very beautiful, Catwoman.
Yes. You're quite right. I am.
Your propinquity could make a man forget himself.
I don't know what that means but it sure sounds nice.
I refer to the nearness of you.
Batman...
let's throw caution to the winds.
I mean, after all, we are two adult human beings...
and, uh, we're both interested in the same thing, happiness.
I can give you more happiness than anyone in the world.
How do you propose to do that?
By being your partner in life.
I mean, it's me and you against the world. Ooh.
What about Robin'?
Well, I'll have him killed. Painlessly.
Well, he is a bit of a bore with his "holy-this" and "holy-that."
That does it, Catwoman.
I thought you had a modicum of decency but I see that I erred in my judgment.
You're supposed to fall on the floor.
You're attractive, Catwoman, but not that attractive.
I put on a double dose of Eau de Chat, that poisonous perfume.
You should have been dead 30 seconds ago.
Aha. Aha!
So all of this lovey-dovey business was just a trick.
Why aren't you writhing in pain?
I had a hunch that you'd try some thing not quite kosher.
I've been wearing Batplugs up my nose.
I've been breathing nothing but clean, fresh air sans Eau de Chat perfume.
You cheated.
Ha! Put up your gloves, Batman.
- I'm gonna practice the art of cat-rate on you. - Your mistake.
Cat-rate, as you call it...
correctly pronounced "karate," is a defensive form.
Therefore, in order for you to make a move...
I must move, and I won't.
Well, I have another trick up my paw.
Penn, Brown, Cornell, Freddy, get him!
So you didn't tell the truth.
Did you ever hear of crook who did?
The odds are about right. Four against one.
Four against two, Batman.
- Robin. - I couldn't resist.
You were taken in by her, but I'm too young for that sort of thing.
Out of the mouths of Boy Wonders often times come gems.
- You keep an eye on them. I'll go after her. - Right.
I can never find my keys when really need them.
Going my way?
I wish I were, Batman.
But we're fated to travel in different directions.
You on the straight and narrow and me on the crooked and wide.
Catwoman, it would be so easy for you to tread the path of righteousness.
I'm afraid not, Batman.
I need what every woman needs. The love of a good man.
I'm sorry it had to end this way, Catwoman.
Not half as sorry as I am, Mr. Wayne.
Catwoman, you have destroyed my faith in my modern penological practices.
Don't judge all criminals by me, Warden Crichton.
There are a lot of cons that you have rehabilitated by your methods.
I'm the exception, not the rule.
Catwoman's correct.
This is a model prison. Be proud of your work, warden.
It's too bad we couldn't get to be better friends, Mr. Wayne.
A good parole officer should also be a friend.
I'd like to be your friend.
There's no room for another man in my life, Mr. Wayne.
You're nice...
but my heart belongs to Batman.
Good bye.